She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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