There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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