I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
