dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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