Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
