so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
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