Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
