Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
