I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
