in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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