We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
