Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
