I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize