onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
