I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
