Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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