So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
