So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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