Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Who died my cat blue again?
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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