but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
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