she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
