definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Even my vagina gasped.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
