FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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