Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Randomize
