I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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