shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
