flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Randomize
