I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
