I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I wish you could order shots online.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Just high enough for therapy.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
