just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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