and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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