You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Ketchup is God's man juice
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
