she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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