so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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