so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
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