i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize