they need to just BURY HIM!
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Randomize
