Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
