Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
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