i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Less talking, more tequila
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
