I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
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