You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
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