Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
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