My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
