I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
