So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
