I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
There's always time for handjobs
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Randomize
