you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
