are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
