She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
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If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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