You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
She needs sedatives and a leash
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
40s are totally the cure
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
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