if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
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