Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
