this beer tastes like vomit already
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
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