I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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