I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
