he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
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