does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
