i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Randomize
