just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
