WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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