I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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