You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Randomize
