he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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