Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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