Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
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