I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
