State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Randomize
