if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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