your thong is hanging out like whoa
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
