hell yes lets make some ravioli
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Randomize
