Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
