He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
