Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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