Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
3 2 1 whiskey
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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