Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
