420 ftw
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
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