I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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