my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
