The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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