he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Be still, my beating vagina.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Randomize
